Madmummy is currently sitting in the chemist waiting area, her face still hot, pink and sweaty. The Hulk had been grumpier, and more distructive than usual over Easter weekend. He has had a temperature. Most worryingly he had been off his food which has NEVER happened before. Both her and Hubbykins had tried everything to entice him to eat. This included offering his favourite foods such as pizza and chips, and denying him chocolate and yoghurt unless he ate a bite of dinner. She had already planned to call the GP after they reopened, just to book a routine appointment.
Having managed to get him to eat a banana this morning, he had thrown it up all over the floor. So, after mopping this up Madmummy had decided that she must ask for an emergency appointment. The Hulk had never before refused food and he had certainly NEVER relinquished food. A standard appointment would not be available for several days and Madmummy needed to get him seen to ASAP!
So from 8:30 till 9:00am Madmummy had gone about her usually morning tasks, while calling the Drs Office. She clicked redial, heard he engaged tone, clicked redial, put her arm in her sleeve, heard the engaged tone, clicked redial and so it continued. She had been clicking redial while folding towels, and had just clicked it for the 44th time. As she was putting the other half of wet washing in the dryer, she finally heard the automated message and selected that she wished to make an appointment.
The receptionist was unusually chipper, and said she could give her an appointment at 9:10. Taken a back, Madmummy almost agreed, but then her brain cranked up a notch.
- It recalled that her clock had said 9:00am before making the call.
- It remembered that Vinny was not dressed yet
- It estimated how long it would take to get Vinny dressed and how long to get both boys in coats and hats.
- It estimated the shortest time she could walk/jog to the doctor’s office.
- With this information it then calculated that to be there for 9:10 she would have too move faster than the speed of sound to make it.
So having worked this out she declined the first offering of 10 past and the second of 20past. The receptionist made her final offer of 9:30, and Madmummy agreed that this was doable.
Once off the phone she had looked at the clock again – 9:05. She allowed herself a brief smile at the thought of her and the boys jumping in a Tardis- the only way she could possibly have made the first time offered.
Then she was off. Dispite his moans, the Hulk’s nappy was changed and he was dressed in a record 5 minutes. Madmummy got the pushchair up,Vinny’s coat on, and him strapped in to the pushchair in less than 4 minutes. After a brief glance in the mirror, she worried that her undead appearance might frighten the elderly patients. It was therefore necessary to spend 10 seconds sponging foundation on to her dark circles. As it appeared she then had no eyes, a quick flick of mascara was applied. The clock now said 9:15! Taking into account her average walking speed she would need to leave immediately. With no other makeup and frizzy hair, Madmummy threw on her coat and ordered Jabbermonkey to get his on. (She had coaxed him into dressing himself in between redials earlier ).
Just as they were about to leave, however, Jabbermonkey cried “where’s Peter!” Dispite her assurances that his favourite toy would be fine at home, Jabbermonkey continued to cry in desperation. He even accused her of tidying it up. She denied this firmly, tidying had not been a priority. Jabbermonkey, in his usual dramatic style, was refusing to leave without him.
Having glanced in the obvious places, Madmummy had suggested that he might still be in the bedroom. Having gone back upstairs and opened the bedroom door Peter Rabbit was found. Madmummy clutched Jabbermonkey, and he clutched Peter, as they ran down the stairs and out of the door. He was plonked in the double buggy’s rear seat and mummy locked up. The clock said 9:21am
Pushing the combined weight of 50plus pounds of child, Madmummy sprinted to town. She slowed down only to pass pedestrians, calling out: “sorry, have an Drs appointment” as she sped passed. She was out of puff and sweating when she carriered in to the highstreet.
Lungs burning, knees clicking and red faced, she made it into the Drs at 8:30 and 55 seconds. Madmummy spied a few raised eyebrows as she parked the buggy in the que. She was a picture of insanity, complete with beads of sweat, heaving chest and hair wildly flicking out in all directions. She panted to the receptionist that she has an emergency appointment for her son. Considering the phrase Madmummy has used, and her frantic appearance, the receptionist remained unconcerned- even bored looking.
Having sat down in the waiting room, Madmummy caught her breath. She considered looking in her compact mirror, but they were then called through. Surprised by being seen on time, she relayed the symptoms to the doctor less than eloquently. She was careful to stress that the denial of food was a serious cause for concern. She also mentioned that the Hulk had been touching his right ear a bit. Before she could continue anymore breathless semi-incomprehensible rambling, the Doctor suggested he look in the ear. Sure enough it was red and this would suggest an infection. In the past she had experienced a short lecture from one doctor. This has explained the danger of over prescribing anti-biotics and the problems of resistance. Thankfully it was not that doctor. It was the quickdecision-fastsigning-goodbyemiss one. She had had him a few times before and sometimes found his approach a bit uncaring. Today, however, this was ideal. She happily took the prescription and off they trundled to the chemist… at a nice steady pace.
Now she enjoys another opportunity to sit. Jabbermonkey is licking his lolly. The Hulk declined his lolly (!) and is now standing by the automatic sliding door. Dispite being ill his face is full of the usual mix of suspicion and amazement at seeing a door a) sliding and b) doing so by ITSELF. Having allowed a customer to enter he is now getting frustrated that the door is still open and he has no means to shut it. Madmummy must intervien before he turns green and starts throwing Slimfast cans through the window.