Madmummy loves a bath! There is something so luxurious about a warm sweet smelling soak in a locked room. No matter what state the house is in; no matter if the bath sits in a dull dank bathroom with cracked tiles and peeling sealant. She can just close her eyes and enjoy the sensation of its warm scented hug.
If you have read all of Madmummy’s post you may have noticed that a few refer to her enjoyment of a bath (indeed one refers specifically to eating salad in a bathtub) . Gross as it may be to some, when time restraints forced her to choose between having a bath and eating her lunch…she chooses not to choose.
Today she is once again enjoying a bath as she writes the final blog post in her trilogy. This almost poetic preamble was induced by the fact that she was unable to enjoy a bath for much of the summer due to the leg cast and subsequent muscle atrophy. Madmummy hastens to add that she did have regular showers – in a rather fetching plastic cast cover.
But during winter months, with her weak muscles aching from her physio, the need for bathing exceeded her fear of getting stuck in the bath. (Clambering in and out of the bath was not a graceful sight and she had images of needing to call hubbykins for assistance). She recalls the first bath she enjoyed back in October. The glorious water soaking away the worries from her brain- feeling them drift off with the steam.
She had eagerly been looking forward to having her cast removed back in September and been bitterly disappointed that she was not able to skip out of the hospital in her trainers. Instead she was presented with a delightful boot, which sported, no less, than 5 Velcro straps.
Devastatingly, she was back on crutches the next day. Ambling clumsily with the monstrous boot Velcroed to her leg. Her left leg muscle was so badly atrophied she could barely stand to begin with. But after a few weeks of tottering about at work the strength of her lower leg returned and she began moving about sans crutches.
Oh the joy of being able to carry things from one room into another without having to stick it down her cleavage! Now that she was mobile, Madmummy could get back to her usual pastimes of doing cleaning, cooking and laundry (woo hoo). This inevitably resulted in her ankle swelling up like a bloated sealion’s flipper. She was allowed to removed the boot and elevated her swollen ankle and apply some ice packs.
During her work day, however, the boot stayed on, for 5 weeks! It was tricky at times: she found stepping among 30 cross-legged 4 year olds, with a boot twice the width of her own foot, quite unnerving. But she tried to remain chipper and awaited her final consultant appointment, after which she could giver her boot… the boot.
So, just before Halloween, her left leg was finally set free! She did not skip from the hospital ward but ambled like Igor (very appropriate) through the hospital car park , carrying her crutches in one hand and her boot in the other. With a satisfying fling, she chucked them into the back of the car. They were later discarded in her loft, hopefully never to be required again.
Since Madmummy ditched the boot she enjoyed several soaks in the tub, especially after her physio appointments. She has appreciated them all the more, having had an involuntary hiatus. After a few months they have helped her get back to the peak physical form she once was (hey…why are you laughing? Why did you just spit your latte out in mirth… Rude.)
But in January, the bad luck returned. Madmummy was delighted to get some lovely new LUSH bath bombs for Christmas and was looking forward to dropping a fizzy ball in the bath, BUT then disaster struck!
The boiler broke! Well to be specific the boiler leaked all over the floor and into the boys bedroom. It took a week to get it repaired and a further week to remove the smell of damp from the kids bedroom carpet Madmummy. op Tip: white wine vinegar! It actually bloody works! It did, however, make their room smell like a chip shop, until she counteracted the smell with a tin of impulse body spray and a plug in air freshener.
But now, having had 6 parts replaced, the boiler is operational and the warm bath water is back! Sadly she hadn’t had much time since then to enjoy it. And so, now in March, she is enjoying only her third bath since the boiler was repaired. So while she is enjoying a soak here it is:
Madmummy’s top 10 things that suck about having a leg in plaster.
1. Immobilisation is boring and depressing – you feel dependent on others and can’t do simple things you used to take for granted. But on the other hand you do have a legitimate excuse not to do household chores. It’s the nearest thing to a break Madmuummy has had in 8 years!
2. You can’t carry a cup of tea, hold crutches and hop at the same time. Unless you trust your children with hot drinks (Madmummy didn’t) simply getting a cup of tea for yourself is dangerous. But Madmummy found the solution. Flasks!! Yep, Madmummy discover that she could fill this useful vessel with tea and instruct Jabbermonkey to carry it over to her “corner” where it would serve to keep her hydrated all day.
3. You can’t carry anything! While Madmummy was unable to bare weight on her left leg , she needed to keep her grip on both crutches to get around. Without possessing a third arm, she had to be creative to carry things from room to room. Clothes with pockets and a good rucksack became a necessity, as was the ability to give clear and polite instructions to a 5 year old and a 7 year old. “Darling, can you go upstairs and bring down my phone charger…it is white and has a long wire and is next to my bed… No, that’s the hair dryer…”
4. Stairs are tricky. Madmummy learnt the graceful art of the bum shuffle. Pushing her palms on each step as she heaved herself up the staircase was hard work and she was often a darkish shade of puce by the time she had finished her climb. As a result, she tried to avoid the need to go upstairs by taking everything down in her trusty rucksack each morning and was very grateful to have a downstairs loo.
5. Sitting down on a toilet may sound easy, but imagine doing this while juggling two unwieldy crutches and with just one leg. Try it next time you go do your business. Stand on one leg and lower yourself down. Not easy is it!? Madmummy soon gained one very strong right thigh. She soon became an expert hopper, something she hadn’t been very good at since she was a 5 year old, when hoping was all the rage.
6. Freaky legs. A few months of using her right leg almost exclusively to support her body weight led to one really withered left leg and a chunky muscular right leg. And you can only imagine the grossness that was revealed when the cast was removed. Skin peeling off in big dry chunks…that’s what happens after three months of not being able to wash your leg!
7. Seated Showers. Rather than standing on one leg and risking slipping over, Madmummy opted to sit on a camping chair after hopping precariously into the shower donning her plastic leg cover. Getting out involved pulling herself up by hanging onto the shower cubical frame and ungracefully reaching for her crutches. After this, she would take a deep breath and tentatively hop back out (praying not to slip over).
8. Blue toes and blood thinning injections. To help reduce swelling Madmummy tried to keep her leg elevated whenever possible. So a footstool was purchased and no less than three pillows were used to raise her leg up in bed each night. She also had to inject herself with blood thinner each morning to prevent blood clots. Madmummy did become a tad paranoid on a number of occasions when her toes turned blue and whenever she felt leg pains…not helped by reading up on the dangers of pulmonary embolisms!
9. The mess!! While hubbykins was at work and could only muster limited energy to wash, clean and tidy afterwards, Madmummy was equally limited to what she could do to keep the house in order. Therefore, the house was often less tidy than usual. Madmummy tried to ignore the mess and go to her happy place. Sometimes she could bribe or coerce her children into helping her tidy or clean – “lets play a game called wipe the table!”, “which one of you lucky boys want to have a play with the cordless vacuum!”
10. Getting out and about. Finally, when Madmummy was ready to get out, she was lucky to have use of British Red Cross wheelchair, complete with protruding leg rest to keep her left leg elevated. The only problem was that this did not have the facility for her to push herself. So she was at the mercy of whoever was pushing her. Until she discovered this….
So there you have it! Madmummy is now back to normal, if there is such a thing. So far this morning she has cleaned and moped this kitchen, done the washing up, brought the bins in, taken out the recycling, checked the meter readings, made breakfast, done a workout, made lunch, brushed the floor, put clothes away, put toys away, helped Jabbermonkey do his homework and his jigsaw puzzle, got the Hulk dressed, washed up again and yes…had a bath. All before 2pm. Now off to get dressed and take Jabbermonkey swimming.
madmummyblog 